|Posted on October 30, 2017 at 9:00 AM||comments (0)|
Simple advice when regrets haunt your memories is to stay calm, breathe and look forward.
Getting engaged to prepare for your marriage is a huge step in your personal growth. The romance may fade; the lessons will continue; and together you will learn how to navigate communication, compassion and patience.
When you get into a 'tiff' during the preparation for your wedding (or afterwards), remember that it is an opportunity for growth. It's Lesson1 or Lesson 2 in your destination to a long-term relationship. Both of you will 'push each other's buttons', buttons that need oiling and replacing. All those 'old' habits of conditioned responses or old beliefs will have a spotlight on them. The best approach is with one of knowing that this lesson, too, shall pass and it will make your relationship stronger and more real. What has been hidden, will be exposed. What has been unspoken, will be said. That's the way of growing a marriage strong.
So don't look back at those 'tiffs' with regret. Stay the course and maybe next time, your lesson will be easier because you've learned how to approach your loved one in a way that supports growth not deterioration.
My encouragement is not to look back on what has happened, not to have any regrets. Regret is from the world of conditioning. What happened happened. We start over in each moment, here and now.
- Cheri Huber
|Posted on July 9, 2017 at 10:40 AM||comments (0)|
1. Ask questions. Don't be afraid to ask questions of those you are considering to hire for your wedding day. It's the littlest things that can make a difference in how much you'll spend and how much stress you can avoid but being completely INFORMED.
2. Shop around. Compare and research venues. Are you a golf-nut? Look at golf courses that are getting into the swing of things by making use of their spaces to host indoor/outdoor weddings. Like wine? Wineries can be gorgeous settings that are big enough to handle 100+ guests. Align with what you and your bride-to-be love and then match to the venue to it. Old barns, bed and breakfasts, arboretums, camps.
3. Be available. To take the stress off your bride-to-be, answer questions and return calls and plan a time when you can get to together with your fiance to review new 'news'.
4. Make the Officiant feel 'welcome' on the day-of by introducing her/him to your family, the bridal party. It can make all the difference.
5. Realize that there are two of you going through this day. Use each other to stay calm, smile a lot, keep it light and fun.
|Posted on February 8, 2017 at 10:45 AM||comments (1)|
My father who was married to my mother for 65 years until she passed from leukemia 6 years ago knows how to preserve love. He asked me this the other day, "Paula, you know how to stay married?". And of course I said, "No, how, Dad, do you stay married?" And he said with a straight face, "Don't get divorced."
At first, I thought it was a joke. And he seems like one. Yet that is the answer. Don't get divorced. For him, no matter what, he stayed, mom stayed, they talked it out, fought, loved. Their marriage, for those of us outside of it, looked tumultous sometimes and very rocky, especially in the early days. And yet, seeing them sitting together at the kitchen table talking over coffee about their worries, their strifes, was the most endearing ever.
Sometimes, people are mean and violent and abusive. So use your best sense to know whether the marriage is done or not in those cases.
My parent's marriage wasn't like that. It had the normal ups and downs of everyday life - finance strains, raising children, savings/spendings, where to live.
And now, Dad as the widower, not married anymore, still preserves his Love for Mom, every day. I see him sharing more of his Love with his neighbors, cooking for them when they are sick - something he never did when Mom was alive. He shares his NY Post with the widow down the street who has tough times right now so she doesn't have to buy one. He's into feeding all the birds in the neighborhoods. He keeps that Love going in ways that amazes me everyday.
That, my dear friends, is true Love. It never dies. it never fades away. It remains even when form doesn't. Love. Preserve it Today.
|Posted on August 30, 2016 at 4:30 PM||comments (0)|
Doing the right thing is a saying we use to use when someone came through with honesty, extra help beyond what was expected, with no compensation.
It's something you may or may not see around much unless you really look. It's what the younger set these days would say would be 'old fashioned'. Yet, for me, and people like me, doing the right thing is a perennial - meaning it never dies or goes out of fashion. Like opening or holding a door for your loved one. That's an example of 'doing the right thing', that goes a long way for the one you are holding the door for. And our response will be 'Thank you.'
I believe in upholding integrity, ethics and doing the right thing when it comes to serving - serving my clients, helping my students, and living the life of an officiant. I value those things.
See if this month you can seek out those places and people who 'do the right thing' when it comes down the line to show up - in customer service, in general courtesies, in being helpful. I bet you'll find them in the most unlikely places and maybe, just maybe, doing the right thing will be trendy again.
|Posted on July 15, 2016 at 8:05 AM||comments (0)|
Officiant work is fun and meaningful. What I truly enjoy about serving people, is getting to know them: who they are, what they believe in, what their visions are, how they fell in love, how they see their marriage unfolding.
As a writer, crafting words that fit each couple, takes time and thought, so that every word is rich in descriptions that define the couple.
Although, the ceremony is completed within 10 to 20 minutes, it may seem like a LIFETIME to some couples who get nervous and self conscious by standing up in front of all their guests and family. It can be stressful!
So, my education in things like yogic breathing to stay calm and relaxed, comes in handy up at that altar or arbor. I often whisper to the couple to take some deep breaths.
Having some tissues on hand helps too, as tears do flow, either as a release from 'wow, we have finally arrived after all that planning', or sheer happiness.
Make sure when you choose an Officiant, you interview them, to see if they are a good fit to manifest your wedding day as you wish.
|Posted on May 31, 2016 at 5:10 PM||comments (0)|
Life has so many levels of being and doing.
Figuring out how to navigate choices can be challenging for some of us.
Paulo Coelho, a introspective author, says it best here:
"Avoid those who believe they are stronger than you, because they are actually concealing their own fragility.
Stay close to those who are not afraid to be vulnerable, because they have confidence in themselves and know that, at some point in our lives, we all stumble; they do not interpret this as a sign of weakness, but of humanity.
Avoid those who seek friends in order to maintain a certain social status or to open doors they would not otherwise be able to approach.
Stay close to those who are interested in opening only one important door: the door to your heart. They will never invade your soul without your consent or shoot a deadly arrow through that open door.Friendship is like a river; it flows around rocks, adapts itself to valleys and mountains, occasionally turns into a pool until the hollow in the ground is full and it can continue on its way.Just as the river never forgets that it’s goal is the sea, so friendship never forgets that its only reason for existing is to Love other people.༺
♥ ༻ Paulo Coelho
|Posted on May 31, 2016 at 5:10 PM||comments (0)|
Love is a state of being. It isn't something you fall into, like a hole, or order from a menu. It is a natural state of being. All things are love in their truest pure state. Like a tree, standing there on the sidewalk, offering its shade, its foliage as fragrant air, it's strength as it endures over the years the storms, it changes without whining and complaining. When the time comes to drop leaves, the leaves drop, when the time comes to grow fruit/flowers, it grows. When the time comes to stretch its branches because more space becomes available, it stretches.
Always giving like a tree, in every state of being, is how Human Kinds need to be reminded to be. In a state of love, receptive to all, exposed to the bone with fragility, openness and pure beauty.
|Posted on February 4, 2016 at 1:10 PM||comments (0)|
Vows have been traditionally part of many a commitment -whether that is being married or becoming a member in an organization.
The Vow is a verbal acknowledgement of 'staying the course' and living up to what is being promised. It's much more realistic to keep what one is promising to a simple form rather than have a page of 'I promise to....' It's challenging enough to commit to one vow let alone 20!
I recommend to couples that they imagine that for every word they put in their vow, it'll cost them $50 a word. This allows couple to sense that each word is precious and dear. They choose more carefully the words they use and keep their vows succinct. Simple, as our ancestors recommended, is best. Simple reminders of what we promise and commit to, and making sure, over the years, we re-visit these vows and make sure they are still precious and dear.
|Posted on October 22, 2015 at 9:30 AM||comments (0)|
It can be quite complicated with tons of choices. Just look down the cereal aisle...Yikes.
So why not strive to keep life simple, as best as you can.
This applies to planning your wedding day, as well as, living your life as a married couple.
I see so many couples wanting to do it all, have it all, have many parts and details to their ceremony, that by the time I see them in front of me, they're exhausted and stressed out. Now, I'm no Einstein. Yet it seems to me that to please everyone else and to plan beyond the beyond, doesn't serve anyone.
Your wedding day is meant to be a celebration of your love as a married couple - not as an entertainment venue. Although some will disagree, I know and that's okay. If you have the time, the energy, and the money, make it as extravagant as you like.
Simplicity is one of the secrets to the success of anything....business, weddings, love, life, a dinner party.
Before you go and 'do it all', see if you and your loved one can just take some deep breaths together (yes, seriously, breathing helps), before you put the pen to the task of signing this and that. Look into each others' eyes. Ask yourselves 'what is the most important aspect of this ceremony (or this dinner party, etc.)'; what do we have the time to do, what do we want, how can we simplify, simplify, simplify.
|Posted on September 12, 2015 at 8:35 AM||comments (0)|
Seeing eye to eye, like in any good working relationship, engagement periods and marriages, have similar environments.
While we don't always agree with everyone at our place of work, we can learn to see their viewpoint, hear their side and hold it in a 'kind space' as their perception and belief. We don't need to believe it or take it on or do anything with it.
Holding their view in a 'kind space' is a little like a Cloud - you know that cyber-space place that holds files and folders for you. Well, part of your mind is like the Cloud - holding the 'other viewpoint' in a kind space.
When we practice 'seeing eye to eye' at work and at home, we become more tolerant HumanKind Beings. And if our partner practices seeing our side and holding it in a kind space, maybe, that soft view will help to ease the journey of getting along - as individuals and as a couple.
Practice makes perfect!
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